Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in fairitalianlady's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 16th, 2006
8:31 pm	Life is good. So here I am again. I am working A LOT as a makeup, hair AND wardrobe designer and really starting to make a career out of it slowly but surely. I have projects "lined up" as opposed to begging for scraps like I have in the past. I'm the one getting phone calls as opposed to making them. I've eased back on modeling but I have a couple of shoots just for fun lined up. Through the magic of modern medicine Mr G has become more serene in his stressful daily life and even more amorous towards me. He is taking Zoloft which is working perfectly for him and has really helped him cope with his anxiety and our sex life is nothing short of amazing. We still have our fun festive friends that we see on our weekend frolics in Hollywood and I feel like a lot of people really care about me as well as him and we care about and love them likewise. Even though I had a VERY stressful filming day yesterday working on "HHB" (YOU try doing hair, makeup and wardrobe on character actors AND clothe and makeup an indeterminate amount of extras arriving at all different times PLUS throw a wig, dress and high heeled boots and be in the scene as well--go on--I dare you--LOL) I feel like I made it through it well, and I feel like there is very little I can't do. Now, and as always, I want to focus on maintaining things well for myself financially and there are a couple of friends that I think I need to reconnect with as well. Today was Mr G's 41st birthday. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: I Don't Feel Like Dancing by Scissor Sisters (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
9:48 am	I'm an asshole. (Sort of.) As I had guessed, Mr G's demeanor had improved. He had some time off of work which really helped him catch up on sleep and he has been more or less back to his old self. I saw him on Sunday night for a good old fashioned booty call (hot) and last night we went to the Three of Clubs to see burlesque which I hadn't been able to do in awhile. We went home, had some "play time" and then proceeded to get into a very long and productive talk about our relationship, his depression, and both of our sexual issues. I told him how I had been so frustrated because I had absolutely no idea how to be of help to him, and he told me how he had felt frustrated because he thought that I felt rejected but really he was just dealing with a lot of things and needed some space. He felt very hurt by the fact that I didn't seem to be understanding and I told him I was hurt by seeing his self-destructive behavior. I know it felt good for him to get those things off of his chest and it felt good for me too. I further explained to him that NO I don't always NEED sex but usually I need some type of physical affection, whatever form that may be, and that yes, I could be more understanding of the few times he is not in the mood and that I reiterated to him that no, the whole evening wouldn't be a "let down" as he put it, if we didn't. But I also explained to him that from my perspective I don't see him as often as I am use to seeing someone I'm intimate with so I feel the need to "take advantage" haha of the time I do have with him. I also told him that I feel like a lot of times it's all about what HE wants to do, what HE'S in the mood for, and I am more flexible which he seemed to understand what I meant. We talked and talked and came to a much better undrstanding and although I know some of these things will be ongoing issues, at least we are now both better equipped to deal with them. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
8:02 pm	Chicks before dick (WAIT--whose Livejournal entry is this?) This is a good time in my life. The film helped me catch up a LOT financially and I pretty much have a decently steady stream of ongoing work. I also have a growing network of amazing friends that I'm able to spend time with and get to know better AND learn a lot from. I'm really lucky to know who I know. Speaking of friends, I had an AMAZING time at Gay Pride yesterday with Mon'Quez and Wil. As I usually tend to do, here is a list of the day's events: 9:00 am-ish: Rise with Wil and Q (Wil who is in an unbelievably chipper mood and poor Q who had only gone to sleep THREE HOURS prior) and drink mimosas. Delightful. 11:00 am-ish: After concocting MORE booze in travel mugs no less, very buzzed we drive down to the parade from Burbank. Along the way, we also all decided we were the fashion police and yelled out of the car things like "I love your shirt!" and "Honey--that is NOT your color!" to passers-by. We were SUCH assholes, but we didn't care. Plus, no one actually heard us. 11:20: Meet up Wil's friends Chet and John--Chet who has matured A LOT and has become a much better friend and John who was FUCKING hot and quite fun to flirt with. We park and head down to the main stretch. 11:30: We go to a place called the something or other "Lounge" to eat and promply head out after the waitress was rude to us because John wanted a little something with chicken and NOT fifteen dollar roast duck salad. Oh well. Fuck it. Go to a place next door where we could still see the parade and John was finally able to nosh properly. 12:00---?????? The definition of BAR HOPPING. Motherlode. Fiesta Cantina. Rage. The Abbey. Here. The Abbey again. DEAR LORD! And everyone was in such a happy, friendly, drunky-poo mood. Our other friend named John met up with us as well for some drunken dancing too--so fun! Oh yes, and at some point I flashed my boobies for a lime green t-shirt. It just seemed to be the thing to do. (What probably was NOT the thing to do was flashing them multiple other times for John's camera. I may have been a trifle inebriated at that point.) 5:00: EAT! We all ate like piggies at a nice restaurant called Bossa Nova--a couple more friends joined us--of course "drunken munchies" made everything taste extra spectacular. 6:00: Head back to the Abbey where Wil and I quickly come to the realization that 8 hours of drinking have caught up to us. We were all exhausted and Wil and I both had SPLITTING headaches to boot which I'm sure was from being very dehydrated at that point. The drive home was quite miserable but at least we were able to take some Excedrin and crash. I even STILL had a headache when I woke up a couple of hours later but luckily it went away. All in all, a WONDERFUL day with friends and it served as a fabulous big "last hurrah" for Wil and me before Wil moves away all too soon. We're going to have a going away party as well, but because Pride was such a big event, it was great that we could all do it together. By the way Wil and Mon'Quez are my "chicks" in lieu of the fact that I don't have very many close girlfriends even still. The "before dick" applies to the one thing in my life that feels very lagging right now and I really don't know what to do about it. Maybe nothing until it passes. Mr G is very stressed out right now for numerous reasons and it's affecting how we spend our time together and our sex life. Some are things he cannot control but many things in his life that cause him a lot of stress are things he could control if it weren't for the fact that he has a self-distructive streak which is also hard for me to cope with. He feels sick, exhausted, and stressed out, he is almost always running late, and he tends to complain to me about a lot of things but won't take my suggestions for how to remedy them seriously. "My stomache feels awful." Well, gee, maybe if you weren't constantly starving yourself during the day and eating unhealthy fast food late at night, you would probably feel a little better. "I can't ever sleep at night." There are ALL NATURAL, non-addictive sleeping pills you could be taking that might help with that. "I feel really overwhelmed." Let's see, you have a Monday through Friday 9-5 job, two kids, two cars (one of which is incredibly unreliable), are in two bands, you do all of your own promoting, and you're a severe insomniac. If he were to just drop one band like he's been talking about doing forever, it would make a huge difference in how his time were spent. I think he feels like he deserves to suffer for his wrongdoings long ago which is why he is so sel-destrucitve and that's really hard for me to watch. I try to be helpful and encouraging but there's only so much I can do. Honestly, I don't ask much of him. I don't expect to be taken out to dinner or the movies, I don't expect to monopolize all of his free time, I don't expect to always be his number one priority. The only thing I really ever expect or want from him is his attention and affection when he can manage. That's it. So you can imagine my disappointment when he forever seems to be showing up late, saying he feels like shit, and is not in the mood to do anything other than "sit and talk" which is usually him telling me how miserable his life is. I know we all have bad days, but to constantly witness someone in a seemingly unending bad day who is unwilling to take the necessary steps to improve his situation is very frustrating. After talking to him today a couple of times, he sounds a lot more upbeat, and it seems like he's coming out of his severe funk a little, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. He said he might stop over tonight after band practice and we're going out somewhere new this Wednesday (new for me anyway--a club called "Hell") with some good friends, so that should be fun, and we might have time to spend part of the day together on Thursday. So we'll see...I didn't always feel this way about our relationship, and he knows there's a problem and we have to "get it back" as he put it today on the phone earlier so I'm a little optimistic. I just want him to be happy and the last thing I want is for me to be an added source of stress. Well, I'm off to karaoke with Mon'Quez. It's been FAR too long so I'm really excited. More quality friend time--GOOD! Current Mood: but optimistic Current Music: Stay With Me by Rod Stewart (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
10:44 am	MAY 1st to MAY 19th = Movie Time! I had a really wonderful learning experience on the feature film I worked on. Here are some revelations I had, both negative and positive: 1) I fucking hate doing wardrobe and I'm not that good at it honestly. Luckily, I covered my ass most of the time, but its truly not where my talents lie, as I suspected. 2) I'm REALLY fucking good at makeup. I got to assist a little bit AND I got to do a cool ass tarantula bite effect with limited time and supplies and I ROCKED it out. 3) Film crews are fucking awesome. Our particular crew consisted predominently of adorable, funny, easy-going 25 year old guys who were really good at their work. 4) People like me. It's important to be likeable under pressure when people are running around and there is a lot of drama over things both big and small. 5) I WANT TO GET BACK INTO ACTING. The actors were all so unbelievably high maintenance and frankly not even worth it as far as talent went. Here is a funny anecdote to illustrate how far the lead actress' head was up her own asshole. SETTING: Miss Kitty's Parlour, Friday Night, the same evening the film wrapped. CHARACTERS: Eva: An irrepressible spirit, she is a makeup artist, vintage model, struggling but optomistic in her endeavors. Even when she is harbors anger toward someone, she can still be polite socially. She has her catty side which comes out sometimes. Mr G: Charming, likeable rake musician. Kind, sociable, witty, irrisistable to women, and men envy his bevy of gorgeous women that are always at his side. Juliett: Exotically beautiful, but icy, manipulative, domineering B-movie actress. Wants the world to revolve around her and she truly does everything in her power to make that so. Virtually unknown Eva: Oh hi Juliett. Juliett: Hi. Eva: Can't believe you made it out. (Mr G)! Mr G: Yes? Who is this? Eva: Come over here. Juliett--this is my boyfriend. THIS is Juliett from the movie I've been working on. Juliett: No, no, no--I'm JUST Juliett tonight. And...SCENE. BITCH please. Like anyone knows or cares who the fuck you are anyway. So that is just an illustration and DAMN do I want to get back into acting just to show up bitches like her. Anyway, it was a marvelous experience overall and I made a decent amount of money so I've been able to catch up financially a little bit... Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
9:40 pm	Crazy Week! Monday April 10: First official gig as a model for Pasadena Art Center. I was shitting my pants when I found out it was modeling fashion AND with Joseph but it wound up being absolutely the easiest thing ever, I got paid for it, AND I got to torment an ex. What could be better? Tuesday: Errands, nothing too crazy Wednesday: More errands, organizing, worked at Macy's, hung out with Phil watching Reno 911! Season 2, still nothing crazy Thursday: SAN DIEGO!!! And guess what? It is rather far away from Burbank--who knew? I spenf FIVE AND A HALF HOURS on the road that day traveling to and from a paid modeling gig with a very kindly, funny, nervous, beginning photographer who really needed an experienced model Friday: Pasadena again--group fashion shoot with Star. There was even a WARDROBE STYLIST who had CLOTHING THAT FIT for me to wear AND there were makeup artists! (Not good makeup artists, but it was kind of nice to sit on my ass and relax, and have other people worry about what I look like;) Miss Kitty's--won a shot drinking contest, won second place in a Bettie Page lookalike contest, made out with my friend Heathyr for the lovely Kitty's photographer, and had a VERY interesting evening with Mr G AFTER the club--wild even by my standards, but very fun, and I have absolutely no regrets. Saturday: LANCASTER (or West Bumfuck as it is commonly known) Joy of joys! Shoot with my dear genius photographer friend ravens laughter who is FUCKING amazingly talented--possibly one of the most talented art photographers out there. Did makeup for one gorgeous, fabulously sweet model, and then did my makeup for what promises to be a really amazing image (because it's HIM--not me) The concept? Me first dressed as a man--pinstripe vest, slicked back hair, smoking a cigar, holding a magnum, sitting down, looking as though I'm waiting/searching for someone. Then I put on my black wig, corset, black panties, black heels and have a gun in my hand pointing to where the Eva-man character is sitting looking as though I'm ready to blow my own head off! YAY!!!! I CAN'T wait to see the finished product--ravens was practically orgasming while he was taking my pictures so I was really encouraged by his enthusiasm. He even said to me at one point," You know Eva, you are just one of those supermodels that everyone, no matter who they are, want to work with." I actually got choked up hearing him say that and now I REALLY don't take into any regard what the Pasadena Art Center modeling director said to me. So great to work with such a talented artist. He and his fabulous wife REALLY wanted me to stay and hang out and have dinner/stay over (!) with Joseph and Jeffery "I would fuck you 'til your head explodes" Scott but luckily I had the excuse of having to work. There is no way I would have made out it out of that grouping alive. Sunday: PALOS VERDES LAST day of shooting "The Living Sword". I feel very indifferent about this film and the people I'm working with are really nice--I just don't care at all about the movie itself--oh well. Made a little bit of money and did some good networking so it definitely wasn't a waste of time:) Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Louis XVI (SO good!) (Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
11:06 am	Septegenarian Swingers, Pretty Post-Ops, Bad 70s Porn/Otherwise entitled: An Average Saturday Night Why are stories like this begining to sound so typical for me? Saturday night was great. Mr G came over around 5 and we had a lovely dinner at Zankou Chicken, and went online to look up all these various 80s glam metal bands that he had told me many a lurid tale about. I can't even begin to imagine what it really must have been like to be on tour with all of these bands--bands like Motley Crue, Black and Blue, Ratt, Poison--and he was just a kid of 14, 15, and 16. He told me a story about a 6'2" in guitarist named Pete who used to pick him up over his shoulder and carry him around asking everyone "who lost their child?" Then he used to pull his pants down and tell all of these rockers at these insane parties and backstage he had been bad and needed a spanking. So my boyfriend, my wise, intelligent gorgeous sweetheart, has had his ass spanked by the likes of Ted Nugent, Lita Ford, various members of other bands and their corresponding groupies and girlfriends. The explanation for an incredibly bruised ass and a crushed ego? "Well kid, you wanted to hang out with rockstars!" But back to the present. We got ready for the party to head out. As usual, I looked like a total drag queen--blonde bob wig, false eyelashes, face jewels, silver kneehigh boots (sci-fi was the theme for Deluxe that night--when in doubt, wear all silver, was my strategy) and cutie pie wore his silver shirt with polka dot tie and black velvet jacket. We arrived and met up with our good friends Cleo and Gogo--a truly fabulous couple and, interesting note that has some significance later in the story, Cleo is a transvestite. So Mr G paid our outrageous cover, we ordered our 2 for 1 Smirnoffs, socialized a bit, danced (we have a game where we try to "out-gay" one another on the dance floor), and went out to the patio for some much needed air. It was there that I made the mistake of making eye contact with a man who was also seated across the way, and who was by my best guess, probably in his late 60s, early 70s. He had a "companion" with him, who essentially looked as though someone had put a sharpe in a blonde wig and pink boa. The face was so wrinkly I honestly couldn't tell for the life of me the gender of the "companion" although I could easily observe a wide, toothless grin as *gasp* he/she walked toward my direction with the old man. OLD MAN: Why, hello! ME: (Look of blind panic.) HI! OLD MAN: What's your name? ME: Eva. OLD MAN: (Taking Eva's hand and kissing it) Nice to meet you. (Mr G has walked over at this point to make his presence known) ME: And THIS is Phil. OLD MAN: How's it goin' pal? (Gives him a strange half high five handshake that he undoubtedly probably learned in his platoon on the beaches of Normandie in World War II) And this is my girl Candy. She's the greatest girl in the world. ME: Oh uh, so nice to meet you both. Seeing very quickly where this was going, and wanting to save both of us the embarassment of them formally propositioning me for sex, I suddenly looked to my friend Gogo and said, "HEY Gogo--I forgot to ask to ask you something!" and made a b-line toward where she was standing. The couple left shortly after and I stood with my little group truly stunned at what had just taken place. Cleo told me they had just propositioned him only moments before. SCAR--RY!!!!! SO then we all went inside to dance--we also met up with our gorgeous friend Faith, who is one of the most beautiful, glamourous women I have ever seen AND a post-op transsexual. We had both hung out with her and flirted with her before but this particular night she made it quite clear she had taken a liking to both of us, particularly me. OH lord. WHAT was in the water that night? Then, a FABULOUS performance by Genie from the banc Dirty Sanchez ensued--Kiss's "Rocket Ride" and "Baby Got Front" (as opposed to "Baby Got Back")Now, I must mention that we had also been hanging out with our friends Mandy and Timo, Mandy who was adorably tipsy as she had just come from a birthday party in her honor. They invited us over to Timo's place in Century City for drinks. To be continued.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
6:59 pm	Being called fat by a "fattie"...interesting.... So funny story.... While I was at the Pasadena Art Center the other day to shoot with Star Foreman (my number one photog homegirl) I was finally coerced into meeting with the head of the modeling department so I could start making some extra dough modeling for the various art and photography classes. I had my portfolio with me that had about eleventy billion professional photos in it and a huge grin and my usual charming attitude and all seemed to be going well with the interview UNTIL the following comment was made. Incidentally, this woman was nice looking but weighed roughly a deuce, deuce and a half, not bad. (Not mine by the way, I stole that from Matt Dillon's character in "There's Something About Mary".) Woman: (staring directly at me) Well you know, we accept EVERY body type here for our models--whether they have an extra 5, 10, 15, or 20 extra pounds to lose. Me: Um, ok. Uh, thanks. Thank you so...very...much. (Eva exits office with stunned expression on her face.) AND just the other week a woman at work who also weighs about a deuce or so told me I was gaining my weight back--seriously, what is going on lately? And how do I keep getting paid modeling work if I'm so unsavory in appearance? And why do I keep running into rude people who undoubtedly assume that I was probably a waifish 98 lbs in high school and have "let myself go"? (Note: at my heaviest I was 15 years old, 5'2" and 185 lbs and it took me a decade to lose 45 lbs because I was blessed with many things but apparently not a metabolism.) I'm not really that traumatised and needing sympathy, I just thought this was a little funny and ironic. Anyone else have any amusing tales of rudeness to share? AND, additional note, some of the most beautiful women I have ever known weigh over 200 lbs and have more style, beauty, and sex appeal than women half their size. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
11:46 pm	I HEART MARCH! Quick update of the end of February before moving on: Lotsa photoshoots, Thursday night I saw Mr G perform with Spiders and Snakes (FUCKING hot), grand Mardi Gras celebration at Miss Kitty's Friday night, paid modeling gig (this past Saturday--total GWC--Guy With Camera-- but who the hell cares?), fun at Bar Sin with beautiful Belle, and a LONG ASS DAY of filming on Sunday (no sleep--day began at 6 am and didn't end until 9:30 pm!), and last night burlesque at Three of Clubs (a total horrible hole in the wall but I got to hang out with Belle, Jason, and Aelon along with Mr G and Jennifer. March should seemingly be a banner month for me. A lot more shoots lined up, a few more photographers who are interested in working with me, and finally almost completely updated makeup and modeling portfolios--QUITE fabulous. I'm not even remotely caught up financially yet but I have made a couple of big payments on some things so by the end of March I should at least be somewhere respectable. Current Mood: content Current Music: Fucking On the Dance Floor by Dirty Sanchez (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
7:11 pm	HELL YES!!! OMG! FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY got my modeling portfolio printed and my makeup portfolio updated for SEVENTEEN DOLLARS. GOD does it pay to get in good with a retired hobbyist photographer with unlimited resources! PLUS he'll print more. I told him I totally owe him a free shoot (OR 20 or so) because he had totally saved my ass professionally. THEN I went to dinner at El Coyote with Kris and Ethan who I hadn't seen in absolutely forever and it was so wonderful. THEN Mr G came over and WOWIE WOWIE WOWIE! I lost at least 5,000 brain cells. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Random happy shit including some old skool Alanis (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
7:19 pm	FREEZING MY TITS OFF!!! Today was the second day of filming for The Living Sword... BRRR! BRRR! BRRR! Had fun working with everyone--it's kind of fun being the only girl on a set. Even if you look like absolute shit (the outfit I wore that day made me look like a lesbian Dr Zhivago) the boys always flirt and usually you get some perks (ie guys carrying your heavy makeup case for you, getting offered the extra coat and scarf)although I try not to be too big a girl/dumb bitch by taking excessive advantage of their offers. I really did freeze my ass off up in the mountains but I had some laughs and the makeup turned out well which I believe was the whole point. AND I had one hour of sleep from the night before (Bar Sina and hot sex with Mr G) so rock the fuck on! Current Mood: creative Current Music: Random random random (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
7:29 pm	"Take off your pants...ok good. Now grab Eva's right breast..." THE. FUNNIEST. THING. EVER. Star needed some models for a project. Wil and Charles were available and needed photos so I figured they should all probably work together. Sounds simple enough right? What started off as a simple project concept that Star had about photographing a series of photos of portraits of people in black turtle necks soon became a shirtless then pantsless session starring a very confused looking Wil and Charles who wondered how on earth they had gotten suckered into this. I even took my top off and posed with them because 1)I'm a major ham and 2)I thought we should all suffer together. But of course, as usual, the session yeilded some stunning shots and even though Wil and Charles barely got any traditional headshot looks in for all the nice clothes they brought, Star wants to work with Wil again AND she even worked with Charles again on Saturday. Who doesn't love the unexpectedly homoerotic photoshoot? Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
5:56 pm	What a bazarre friggin' industry! In the past several days, here is what I've booked: 1) Key makeup for TWO short films 2) A music video (assisted this past Saturday) 3) A paid modeling gig 4) Doing makeup for one headshot session AND I'm back to work for Tommy Bahama PLUS Sephora finally fucking called me for a group interview which actually I can't even make because I'll be filming all day that day. I'm meeting with the director of one of the short films tonight and I have a meeting with a photographer tomorrow who I might be able to con into giving me some paid work. So I went from having less than no work to being up to my ears in it! This business sure as hell takes some getting used to! Addendum: Mr G came over and the two of us went for a walk last night where he was able to vent to me about some pretty bad troubles at home. He is really going through a lot and I truly want to be there for him in whatever capacity I can be. He's told me in the past that he hates "bringing me down" (which is not how I feel at all) but I've told him time and time again that we can't have a real relationship if he can't share things with me both good and bad. I think he's finally gotten comfortable with this notion so that's definitely a step in the right direction. Tonight he's coming over again for quite a bit longer and actually Wil, him and me are going to the Derby for burlesque. Wil has never been and I think its about bloody time he sees what the two of us have been raving about. Plus, it will be something fun that he and I can do socially as friends rather than just dealing with roommate stuff which, as he has very astutely pointed out, is just not the same as having fun as friends like we used to all the time. I'm very much looking forward to it. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Louie Louie (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
4:17 pm	The "L" Word (whew!) So the words "I love you" finally were emoted from my lips last night to Mr G. He had said it first--we finally had a chance to have a really in depth talk about a LOT of very important things: Carla's miscarriage, Mishi's secretly planned pregnancy and miscarriage, Mishi's death and her recent birthday, his worries about our relationship, MY worries about our relationship, and finally he said it. Mr G.: (looking down) You know by now I don't just like you, you know I love you. Me: (looking at him squarely in the eye) I love you too. Mr G.: (looks at me and smiles thoughtfully, shyly) Well, I do love you. I wish I could remember or properly articulate all of what was said, but one thing I remember quite well is that we both admitted to each other that we had told so many of our friends how we felt about each other that we figured it was about time that we were able to tell each other. I had told him how incredibly nervous I was about saying it for my own various reasons, and of course he was very trepedacious about saying it to me because the love of his life that he had known since he was 12 had only died two weeks before we met which of course was so emotionally draining for him and affected him so deeply. The fact that he has been able to open up like this is truly indicative that there is so much more to us than JUST a friendship, or JUST a sexual attraction. A funny thing that was brought up was the fact that I actually had said it before or rather SCREAMED it three times (!) during sex a few weeks ago. Mr G.: So after you said it, were you worried that I was going to run away? Me: No. I knew that you were sophisticated enough and you also knew me well enough to realise that I probably hadn't said that out loud on purpose and that I didn't need to be confronted about it right away. I feel a certain peace now but also a great sense of emotional responsibility. He brought up all these reasons why I could and probably will get hurt, how I'm not always going to be top priority, how realistically it would be years before I would get introduced to his mom or some of his friends he's had for so many years. Then he brought up how we'd have to have Valentine's day a day late or a day early and how when he goes on vacation with his kids that I won't be able to get ahold of him. Even though this was not particularly eloquent of me, all I could say was,"Yeah, that sucks. So I'm just going to ignore everything else that we have that is so good, all this emotional understanding, everything, and dump you." It may seem to defy understanding to some, but most people who know me and know him understand that our quest for compatible mates in our lives has proved excedingly difficult and finding each other has been such a blessing that it more than outweighs the trials thus far and will continue to. Current Mood: touched (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
6:00 pm	THE FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF DRUNK Actually this was inspired by The Black Ball that I attended at Miss Kitty's way back on January 13th for my birthday and well, the multiple other times I have been drunk or been around drunk people. Here goes: 1) The Philosophical Drunk: We don't like to admit it, but we've all been this one. Probably one of the more embarrassing titles, The Philosophical Drunks tend to run off on tangents about life and love and how they feel at this point in their lives and what speaks to their souls and how passionate they are about blah, blah, blah, blah!!! I know when I get like this almost NOTHING will get me to shut up other than perhaps being forcibly pulled onto a loud dance floor or when someone offers me a sip of a fifth Mai tie for the evening. 2) The Oscar Wild-ian Drunk: Myself and my boyfriend to a tee. Worse when we get together. Basically we are all pithy quotes and one-liners and charmed compliments and OH it never ends! Definitely not the worse type of drunk to be, this will sure win you a lot of points, particularly if you are more on the complimentary side. Use of words like: "dubious", "saucy", "tosh", "tart", "rake", and "delicious" are highly common additions to one's lexicon in this instance. 3) The Kissy-Touchy-FeelMe-FuckMe Drunk: Nonspecifically affectionate to anyone and anything. VERY easy to identify particularly if surrounded by friends and/or potential lovers. Tendency to temporarily blur one's normal sexual boundaries are quite common--usually "try"-sexual after a point. The sexual id has fully run amock and it is usually a bit on the terrifying side. 4) Solid Gold Dancer Drunk: You are not just dancing at the party--you INVENTED dance! ALL will BOW at the sight of your powerfully limber arms and legs, your gyrating buttocks, your high stepping feet. Or so you think. OR maybe the other party goers are "bowing" before you because they don't want you seeing them laughing their asses off otherwise you might stop. 5) The "I'm Out of My Fucking Mind, I Think I'm Just Going to Walk Five Miles In the Other Direction and Go Sit On the Grass Outside of Del Taco and Smoke This Cigarette I Found Even Though I Don't Smoke So Fuck All of You and NO I Don't Remember Where I Parked My Car But Maybe That Homeless Man Knows" Drunk We all know this type of drunk and fortunately, God-willing, none of us are or will ever be this type of drunk. Some people, for whatever reason, completely lose all sense of responsibility when they imbibe a certain amount of alcohol--vaguely amusing, but mostly frightening, this is when it's ideal to have friends around to keep an eye on this beast who will undoubtedly be a trifle more demure in behavior the morning after and hopefully apologetic. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Sunny Afternoon by The Kinks (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
10:04 am	A Very Satisfying Day (And Not For the Usual Reason;) Photoshoot today at Star's place--AMAZING. Day's events: 1) 7:15 am: Picked up in the morning by the illustrious photographer Raven's Laughter (Larry) and his lovely model wife Miya (Lisa) both who I have ALWAYS wanted to meet and work with. They were as charming and fabulous as I could have wished for. 2) Arrival at Star's and WORK WORK WORK! Star gave me a BUNCH of free makeup and I got to work on the other FAB models too, who were also amazing and fun and gorgeous. And I FINALLY got to do something creative again! 3) ARRIVAL OF JOSEPH. I hadn't seen him since very briefly at Miss Kitty's and I played the gracious, kill him with kindness game. And did it WORK! (Hug) J: So, who is your man at the moment? Me: That same guy I introduced you at Kitty's. J: Really? That one? The short one? Me: (Wicked grin)Uh-huh. J: Oh no, he has it where it counts doesn't he? Me: Uh, YEAH. BIG time. Later: J: Geez. Why do I always meet you under these circumstances and you're never single? Me: Well, I'm quite a catch, you don't expect me to stay single forever do you? J: No, I don't, not at all. I've been single for five years. Me: Wow, really? J: Yeah, but I think I'm a bit too picky. Me: Yeah, MAYBE. Too funny. SO the rest of the day was filled with him flirting with me, and me playing along completely unaffected and bringing up Mr G whenever it was appropriate. It was so incredibly ironic. The last time he had seen me I was this pathetic, desperate, unsatisfied woman and I couldn't be in a more different frame of mind now. Larry was also QUITE a flirt as was his wife and they hinted more than a few times that they wanted to take me home--Oh my! 4) Shoot with Larry and then we shot at the Botanical Gardens later with the girls who were all decked out now and looking very otherworldly. We all got some REALLY gorgeous shots and everyone was quite happy. Lot's of joking around and then the absolute funniest thing happened when a park ranger came up to us and OF COURSE Star had forgotten her id. Naturally. The park ranger eventually got a little flabbergasted dealing with us and basically just said "fuck it" and came back to pick us up when she had to close down the park. So just picture two toga wearing girls, Star with her photography equipment, and me in an evening dress all in the back of a flatbed truck speeding down a park trail. We gave one lucky jogger quite a hilarious eyeful. 5) Got back, got a few more shots in, and then the majority of us went to dinner in Burbank. A couple more friends of one of the models joined us as did a good friend of Larry and Joseph's, Jeffrey who is also a photographer. HILARIOUS! So between Larry and Lisa being ridiculous flirts, the model telling me I looked exactly like Clara Bow, her friends telling me I looked like Kate Winslet, and Jeffrey telling me he'd fuck me til my head came off (seriously he said that, and by the way, he is some weird hybrid of Sean Connery and Lewis Black) and everyone talking about my "hot ass" and "hot tits" and how I am "the ultimate woman" PLUS Joseph making little comments all evening, I got to feeling pretty chuffed and quite a bit overwhelmed. I'm not used to being the "pretty girl" and I still don't really see myself that way. I know I've changed a lot but I'm never satisfied, nor do I think I ever will be. 6) Larry and Lisa drove me home as they also drove Jeffrey who told me under no circumstances could he walk me past my door because he'd wind up fucking me (yeah right, buddy) and I finally got to talk to Mr G and tell him about the day's adventures. So this is a strange time in my life. I've never been more financially insecure (hence this being my first journal in awhile) but I have never felt sexier or more loved by my friends or more excited about making new friends. OR in a more satisfying relationship which has had a lot to do with everything. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
11:58 am	HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OWN FINE SELF! SO yesterday was my 25th birthday. Despite three PAYING gigs being cancelled this week and despite the fact that I actually have NEGATIVE $83.00 in my bank account, AND that I spent most of the day at fucking AppleOne applying for shit temp work I STILL had a marvelous bithday. Mr G, Wil, Jennifer, Kris, Ethan, Mon'Quez, Myeesha, Cleo, and Gogo all came out and it was truly fabulous. I felt very loved and appreciated and quite fortunate to have so many fabulous friends. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Ray of Light by Madonna (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
10:29 am	Jan 2nd through the 6th: A Breif Summary Well, all in all I had an absolutely marvelous time the rest of my trip. I had an absurd amount of fun at an old school theater party that a Mr Thomas Russel invited me to and I have to admit it was a bit of a revelation. It was so weird having the experience of seeing all of these people who had always thought were attractive and desirable but who never seemed to find me desireable, now expressing SO much interest in me. Very strange indeed. The second irony-filled revelation is that it would seem that 99% of my theatre department chums have post graduation now identified themselves as either gay or bisexual. There are probably only two or three exceptions to this of the prominent people in our deparment, I being one of those exceptions. The irony lies in the fact that of all the women of our department, for my first two years I seemed to have the most masculine, typically lesbian traits. I seemed most likely to probably identify myself as a lesbian, but oddly enough, the girl with the short hair who wore the oversized band t-shirts, men's cargo pants, and hemp necklaces grew to one day become possibly the most staunchly heterosexual woman of the theatre department. LOL! Seriously, I'm almost a little disappointed in myself. It was really hard saying goodbye to Brad, and it was hard saying goodbye to my mom. I wish I had got to spend more time with her. But I managed to spend a lot of time with my brother which was really good. He's becoming a very interesting man--I just hope he is on the right path. I shall write more later........ (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
4:17 pm	Happy New Year!!! Dec 29th REVISED Actually, plans changed a bit--Auntie Carol was sick and Grandma and Grandpa thought maybe the visit should hold off BUT I did get to see my adorable cousins when they visited my place. Renee has been through so much and she has really become a wonderful, beautiful mother and Sarah is such a good aunt. Her children Alexa and Tristan are so sweet and affectionate and I can tell that Alexa is VERY smart. I really wish the very best for them. Went out later that night to JW's. RIDICULOUSLY FUN! Dale, Brett, Brett's Mom, Mon'Quez, Ethan, Erin, Ron Bailey, and assorted other friends came out as well and we had a BLAST! Very much like old times again although now we really don't take anything for granted. Classic Flint night--we even went out to Tom Z's afterwords--how perfect is that? Then I got a call from Mr G who told me he had left a message earlier and to be sure to listen to it while I was alone because I would get emotional. He was so right. He had played for me the first two verses of the song he had written about me and again I couldn't help but cry. Absolutely the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me... Dec 30th Hung out with Brad today--marvelous! Genesee Valley, Borders (ahhh...memories), Target, Salvation Army...another great, classic day in Flint. He is really SO good to me. I am very lucky to have him as a friend. THEN we went to the Necto in Ann Arbor! FABULOUS. Visited Nathan and Sarah for a bit and when I told them I was putting makeup on Brad, Nathan suggested I do it at his place. Hmmmm...all right I guess. WELL, Brad came over, I did his makeup and SURE ENOUGH when he got up, Nathan sat down where he was at and said "Now do me!" !!!! Obviously it was a clever ploy to get me to do makeup on him again which he obviously missed but I thought it was kind of sweet if a bit strange so I happily obliged. Brad and I then had a totally incredible time at the Necto and danced our asses off and a little chick from Germany came up to us and told us we were the hottest couple there in her sexy German accent. SO funny! Crashed at his place afterwords. Dec 31st Woke up at the crack of 11 (!) and went to breakfast at Steady Eddie's in the Farmer's Market with his adorable boyfriend. VERY yummy. Then we just kind of lounged around his house for awhile. Then I went home and got ready for Jenny's New Year's Eve party. Very fun but considerably mellow which was actually ok--felt a bit more grown up, which honestly, I like. I think I also made a new friend too. Jenny's roommate Michelle is really wonderful and we have A LOT in common. It's always such a rareity to meet a WOMAN I connect with--anyway, I'm sure the two of us will stay in touch. Jan 1st (TODAY) Church was lovely this morning--I had really missed everyone! Went out to lunch with Mom, I cut her hair (pain in the ass, but it looks A LOT beter now), and then I'm having friends over for dinner, then I'm going to a Girls Will Be Girls/makeup party--PLEASURE OVERLOAD! Again, it's so good to be home. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Isabella Star by St Vincent (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:47 pm	Homecoming....... Here is a rundown of the events of the last few days thus far: DECEMBER 27th Missed my first flight AND my second layover flight but magically arrived in Michigan only about an hour and a half after I was supposed to. Luckily even when bad luck befalls me I STILL manage to have good luck...My "little" brother came to the airport baggage claim to meet me and I didn't recognise him at first NOR him me. SO funny! WONDERFUL to see Mom again. The place is beautiful where they are staying too. Later that night I hung out with Brad, his boyfriend Steven, and Dale and it was SO GREAT to see them all too. We drank a bit of wine at Brad's house then went over to Dale's for even MORE wine and just enjoyed each other's company. I crashed there. DECEMBER 28th Dale took me back to my place where I freshened up and then the two of us met up with Brad, Debbie, Byron, and Alex for sushi. Let me just say two words: "FLINT ROLL." Seriously, we all had a fantastic time while I regaled them with stories of fetish bars, West Hollywood and the Sunset strip. Went back to my place and hung out with Mikey, then the two of us went to dinner with dear old Dad at Applebees and then I came back and a BUNCH of friends convened for the Torch and then the Loft and then back to the Torch again. Christina, Amber, Dawn (Byron's girlfriend--got to meet "The Dawn" finally--quiet girl and very insecure--now wonder there are jealousy issues), Sang (Dale's boyfriend: ADORABLE!), sweet Jenny Wagner and more assorted characters including Mon'Quez who joined us later all had fun drinking, gossiping, telling stories, and dancing like sexed up ghetto bitches (oh wait, that was mostly me) and we had a grand old time. DECEMBER 29th (Today) Quieter day. At home now, going through some of my old things and am planning on going to see Grandma and Grandpa as well as Aunt Carol, Renee and Sarah in a few hours. I'll probably be going out tonight with Dale and Co. to Menjo's where I haven't been in FOREVER so it should be really fun. Hmmmm....what to wear that will make me look cute and yet NOT make me FREEZE my ass off???? Hmmmm........This may be a riddle with no answer. Current Mood: jubilant Current Music: GAY techno (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
8:57 pm	An Ironic Christmas So this is a little strange.... I'm home by myself on Christmas Eve. I know full well that I will not get to unwrap any presents tomorrow morning nor will I see any of my family nor my dearheart. So why am I so happy and feeling so very loved? Well, to clarify, here are a few key points: 1) I actually celebrated my Christmas Eve with my dearheart early. Last night, we did "Phase Two" of our gift exchange (so far he's gotten me two gorgeous shirts, antique yet miraculously unused cigarette holders, a wonderful set of mix CDs, a lovely Christmas dinner at Canters in Hollywood, ornaments for my tree, and I have lingerie plus a silver sequined go go dress and yeah, again, A SONG HE'S WRITING ABOUT ME on it's way.) I don't deserve him. That's just all there is to it. 2) I will be driving to Wil's uncles to spend Christmas with him--ahh, my best friend since we were both seventeen. So he IS family and very close family at that. 3) On the 27th I am flying back to Michigan for the first time in TWO YEARS. WOW. I can't wait to see all of my gorgeous, amazing, generous, hilarious, fabulous, hard-partying, sensitive, intelligent friends. It will also be quite wonderful seeing my family again. I have REALLY missed them so much. So, a very good, albeit nontraditional Christmas. I also finally paid my car registration too PLUS I gave myself the Christmas present of new contact lenses which I got for a real steal online. Other nice little bonuses as well that make a difference. Truly, I really can't stop smiling and I truly feel a sense of joy and peace in my heart. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Tonight, Tonight by Smashing Pumpkins (Comment on this)