fairitalianlady

Life is good.

2006-10-17T03:32:39Z

So here I am again. I am working A LOT as a makeup, hair AND wardrobe designer and really starting to make a career out of it slowly but surely. I have projects "lined up" as opposed to begging for scraps like I have in the past. I'm the one getting phone calls as opposed to making them. I've eased back on modeling but I have a couple of shoots just for fun lined up. Through the magic of modern medicine Mr G has become more serene in his stressful daily life and even more amorous towards me. He is taking Zoloft which is working perfectly for him and has really helped him cope with his anxiety and our sex life is nothing short of amazing. We still have our fun festive friends that we see on our weekend frolics in Hollywood and I feel like a lot of people really care about me as well as him and we care about and love them likewise.

Even though I had a VERY stressful filming day yesterday working on "HHB" (YOU try doing hair, makeup and wardrobe on character actors AND clothe and makeup an indeterminate amount of extras arriving at all different times PLUS throw a wig, dress and high heeled boots and be in the scene as well--go on--I dare you--LOL) I feel like I made it through it well, and I feel like there is very little I can't do. Now, and as always, I want to focus on maintaining things well for myself financially and there are a couple of friends that I think I need to reconnect with as well.

Today was Mr G's 41st birthday.

I'm an asshole. (Sort of.)

2006-06-20T17:11:33Z

As I had guessed, Mr G's demeanor had improved. He had some time off of work which really helped him catch up on sleep and he has been more or less back to his old self. I saw him on Sunday night for a good old fashioned booty call (hot) and last night we went to the Three of Clubs to see burlesque which I hadn't been able to do in awhile. We went home, had some "play time" and then proceeded to get into a very long and productive talk about our relationship, his depression, and both of our sexual issues. I told him how I had been so frustrated because I had absolutely no idea how to be of help to him, and he told me how he had felt frustrated because he thought that I felt rejected but really he was just dealing with a lot of things and needed some space. He felt very hurt by the fact that I didn't seem to be understanding and I told him I was hurt by seeing his self-destructive behavior. I know it felt good for him to get those things off of his chest and it felt good for me too. I further explained to him that NO I don't always NEED sex but usually I need some type of physical affection, whatever form that may be, and that yes, I could be more understanding of the few times he is not in the mood and that I reiterated to him that no, the whole evening wouldn't be a "let down" as he put it, if we didn't. But I also explained to him that from my perspective I don't see him as often as I am use to seeing someone I'm intimate with so I feel the need to "take advantage" haha of the time I do have with him. I also told him that I feel like a lot of times it's all about what HE wants to do, what HE'S in the mood for, and I am more flexible which he seemed to understand what I meant. We talked and talked and came to a much better undrstanding and although I know some of these things will be ongoing issues, at least we are now both better equipped to deal with them.

Chicks before dick (WAIT--whose Livejournal entry is this?)

2006-06-13T04:06:10Z

This is a good time in my life. The film helped me catch up a LOT financially and I pretty much have a decently steady stream of ongoing work. I also have a growing network of amazing friends that I'm able to spend time with and get to know better AND learn a lot from. I'm really lucky to know who I know. Speaking of friends, I had an AMAZING time at Gay Pride yesterday with Mon'Quez and Wil. As I usually tend to do, here is a list of the day's events:

9:00 am-ish: Rise with Wil and Q (Wil who is in an unbelievably chipper mood and poor Q who had only gone to sleep THREE HOURS prior) and drink mimosas. Delightful.

11:00 am-ish: After concocting MORE booze in travel mugs no less, very buzzed we drive down to the parade from Burbank. Along the way, we also all decided we were the fashion police and yelled out of the car things like "I love your shirt!" and "Honey--that is NOT your color!" to passers-by. We were SUCH assholes, but we didn't care. Plus, no one actually heard us.

11:20: Meet up Wil's friends Chet and John--Chet who has matured A LOT and has become a much better friend and John who was FUCKING hot and quite fun to flirt with. We park and head down to the main stretch.

11:30: We go to a place called the something or other "Lounge" to eat and promply head out after the waitress was rude to us because John wanted a little something with chicken and NOT fifteen dollar roast duck salad. Oh well. Fuck it. Go to a place next door where we could still see the parade and John was finally able to nosh properly.

12:00---?????? The definition of BAR HOPPING. Motherlode. Fiesta Cantina. Rage. The Abbey. Here. The Abbey again. DEAR LORD! And everyone was in such a happy, friendly, drunky-poo mood. Our other friend named John met up with us as well for some drunken dancing too--so fun! Oh yes, and at some point I flashed my boobies for a lime green t-shirt. It just seemed to be the thing to do. (What probably was NOT the thing to do was flashing them multiple other times for John's camera. I may have been a trifle inebriated at that point.)

5:00: EAT! We all ate like piggies at a nice restaurant called Bossa Nova--a couple more friends joined us--of course "drunken munchies" made everything taste extra spectacular.

6:00: Head back to the Abbey where Wil and I quickly come to the realization that 8 hours of drinking have caught up to us. We were all exhausted and Wil and I both had SPLITTING headaches to boot which I'm sure was from being very dehydrated at that point. The drive home was quite miserable but at least we were able to take some Excedrin and crash. I even STILL had a headache when I woke up a couple of hours later but luckily it went away.

All in all, a WONDERFUL day with friends and it served as a fabulous big "last hurrah" for Wil and me before Wil moves away all too soon. We're going to have a going away party as well, but because Pride was such a big event, it was great that we could all do it together. By the way Wil and Mon'Quez are my "chicks" in lieu of the fact that I don't have very many close girlfriends even still.

The "before dick" applies to the one thing in my life that feels very lagging right now and I really don't know what to do about it. Maybe nothing until it passes. Mr G is very stressed out right now for numerous reasons and it's affecting how we spend our time together and our sex life. Some are things he cannot control but many things in his life that cause him a lot of stress are things he could control if it weren't for the fact that he has a self-distructive streak which is also hard for me to cope with. He feels sick, exhausted, and stressed out, he is almost always running late, and he tends to complain to me about a lot of things but won't take my suggestions for how to remedy them seriously. "My stomache feels awful." Well, gee, maybe if you weren't constantly starving yourself during the day and eating unhealthy fast food late at night, you would probably feel a little better. "I can't ever sleep at night." There are ALL NATURAL, non-addictive sleeping pills you could be taking that might help with that. "I feel really overwhelmed." Let's see, you have a Monday through Friday 9-5 job, two kids, two cars (one of which is incredibly unreliable), are in two bands, you do all of your own promoting, and you're a severe insomniac. If he were to just drop one band like he's been talking about doing forever, it would make a huge difference in how his time were spent. I think he feels like he deserves to suffer for his wrongdoings long ago which is why he is so sel-destrucitve and that's really hard for me to watch.

I try to be helpful and encouraging but there's only so much I can do. Honestly, I don't ask much of him. I don't expect to be taken out to dinner or the movies, I don't expect to monopolize all of his free time, I don't expect to always be his number one priority. The only thing I really ever expect or want from him is his attention and affection when he can manage. That's it. So you can imagine my disappointment when he forever seems to be showing up late, saying he feels like shit, and is not in the mood to do anything other than "sit and talk" which is usually him telling me how miserable his life is. I know we all have bad days, but to constantly witness someone in a seemingly unending bad day who is unwilling to take the necessary steps to improve his situation is very frustrating.

After talking to him today a couple of times, he sounds a lot more upbeat, and it seems like he's coming out of his severe funk a little, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. He said he might stop over tonight after band practice and we're going out somewhere new this Wednesday (new for me anyway--a club called "Hell") with some good friends, so that should be fun, and we might have time to spend part of the day together on Thursday. So we'll see...I didn't always feel this way about our relationship, and he knows there's a problem and we have to "get it back" as he put it today on the phone earlier so I'm a little optimistic. I just want him to be happy and the last thing I want is for me to be an added source of stress.

Well, I'm off to karaoke with Mon'Quez. It's been FAR too long so I'm really excited. More quality friend time--GOOD!

MAY 1st to MAY 19th = Movie Time!

2006-05-23T18:29:28Z

I had a really wonderful learning experience on the feature film I worked on. Here are some revelations I had, both negative and positive:

1) I fucking hate doing wardrobe and I'm not that good at it honestly. Luckily, I covered my ass most of the time, but its truly not where my talents lie, as I suspected.

2) I'm REALLY fucking good at makeup. I got to assist a little bit AND I got to do a cool ass tarantula bite effect with limited time and supplies and I ROCKED it out.

3) Film crews are fucking awesome. Our particular crew consisted predominently of adorable, funny, easy-going 25 year old guys who were really good at their work.

4) People like me. It's important to be likeable under pressure when people are running around and there is a lot of drama over things both big and small.

5) I WANT TO GET BACK INTO ACTING. The actors were all so unbelievably high maintenance and frankly not even worth it as far as talent went. Here is a funny anecdote to illustrate how far the lead actress' head was up her own asshole.

SETTING: Miss Kitty's Parlour, Friday Night, the same evening the film wrapped.

CHARACTERS:
Eva: An irrepressible spirit, she is a makeup artist, vintage model, struggling but optomistic in her endeavors. Even when she is harbors anger toward someone, she can still be polite socially. She has her catty side which comes out sometimes.
Mr G: Charming, likeable rake musician. Kind, sociable, witty, irrisistable to women, and men envy his bevy of gorgeous women that are always at his side.
Juliett: Exotically beautiful, but icy, manipulative, domineering B-movie actress. Wants the world to revolve around her and she truly does everything in her power to make that so. Virtually unknown

Eva: Oh hi Juliett.
Juliett: Hi.
Eva: Can't believe you made it out. (Mr G)!
Mr G: Yes? Who is this?
Eva: Come over here. Juliett--this is my boyfriend. THIS is Juliett from the movie I've been working on.
Juliett: No, no, no--I'm JUST Juliett tonight.

And...SCENE. BITCH please. Like anyone knows or cares who the fuck you are anyway.

So that is just an illustration and DAMN do I want to get back into acting just to show up bitches like her. Anyway, it was a marvelous experience overall and I made a decent amount of money so I've been able to catch up financially a little bit...

Crazy Week!

2006-04-19T05:00:27Z

Monday April 10: First official gig as a model for Pasadena Art Center. I was shitting my pants when I found out it was modeling fashion AND with Joseph but it wound up being absolutely the easiest thing ever, I got paid for it, AND I got to torment an ex. What could be better?

Tuesday: Errands, nothing too crazy

Wednesday: More errands, organizing, worked at Macy's, hung out with Phil watching Reno 911! Season 2, still nothing crazy

Thursday: SAN DIEGO!!! And guess what? It is rather far away from Burbank--who knew? I spenf FIVE AND A HALF HOURS on the road that day traveling to and from a paid modeling gig with a very kindly, funny, nervous, beginning photographer who really needed an experienced model

Friday: Pasadena again--group fashion shoot with Star. There was even a WARDROBE STYLIST who had CLOTHING THAT FIT for me to wear AND there were makeup artists! (Not good makeup artists, but it was kind of nice to sit on my ass and relax, and have other people worry about what I look like;)
Miss Kitty's--won a shot drinking contest, won second place in a Bettie Page lookalike contest, made out with my friend Heathyr for the lovely Kitty's photographer, and had a VERY interesting evening with Mr G AFTER the club--wild even by my standards, but very fun, and I have absolutely no regrets.

Saturday: LANCASTER (or West Bumfuck as it is commonly known) Joy of joys! Shoot with my dear genius photographer friend ravens laughter who is FUCKING amazingly talented--possibly one of the most talented art photographers out there. Did makeup for one gorgeous, fabulously sweet model, and then did my makeup for what promises to be a really amazing image (because it's HIM--not me) The concept? Me first dressed as a man--pinstripe vest, slicked back hair, smoking a cigar, holding a magnum, sitting down, looking as though I'm waiting/searching for someone. Then I put on my black wig, corset, black panties, black heels and have a gun in my hand pointing to where the Eva-man character is sitting looking as though I'm ready to blow my own head off! YAY!!!! I CAN'T wait to see the finished product--ravens was practically orgasming while he was taking my pictures so I was really encouraged by his enthusiasm. He even said to me at one point," You know Eva, you are just one of those supermodels that everyone, no matter who they are, want to work with." I actually got choked up hearing him say that and now I REALLY don't take into any regard what the Pasadena Art Center modeling director said to me. So great to work with such a talented artist. He and his fabulous wife REALLY wanted me to stay and hang out and have dinner/stay over (!) with Joseph and Jeffery "I would fuck you 'til your head explodes" Scott but luckily I had the excuse of having to work. There is no way I would have made out it out of that grouping alive.

Sunday: PALOS VERDES LAST day of shooting "The Living Sword". I feel very indifferent about this film and the people I'm working with are really nice--I just don't care at all about the movie itself--oh well. Made a little bit of money and did some good networking so it definitely wasn't a waste of time:)

Being called fat by a "fattie"...interesting....

2006-03-16T02:59:57Z

So funny story....

While I was at the Pasadena Art Center the other day to shoot with Star Foreman (my number one photog homegirl) I was finally coerced into meeting with the head of the modeling department so I could start making some extra dough modeling for the various art and photography classes. I had my portfolio with me that had about eleventy billion professional photos in it and a huge grin and my usual charming attitude and all seemed to be going well with the interview UNTIL the following comment was made. Incidentally, this woman was nice looking but weighed roughly a deuce, deuce and a half, not bad. (Not mine by the way, I stole that from Matt Dillon's character in "There's Something About Mary".)

Woman: (staring directly at me) Well you know, we accept EVERY body type here for our models--whether they have an extra 5, 10, 15, or 20 extra pounds to lose.

Me: Um, ok. Uh, thanks. Thank you so...very...much.

(Eva exits office with stunned expression on her face.)

AND just the other week a woman at work who also weighs about a deuce or so told me I was gaining my weight back--seriously, what is going on lately? And how do I keep getting paid modeling work if I'm so unsavory in appearance? And why do I keep running into rude people who undoubtedly assume that I was probably a waifish 98 lbs in high school and have "let myself go"? (Note: at my heaviest I was 15 years old, 5'2" and 185 lbs and it took me a decade to lose 45 lbs because I was blessed with many things but apparently not a metabolism.) I'm not really that traumatised and needing sympathy, I just thought this was a little funny and ironic. Anyone else have any amusing tales of rudeness to share? AND, additional note, some of the most beautiful women I have ever known weigh over 200 lbs and have more style, beauty, and sex appeal than women half their size.

I HEART MARCH!

2006-03-01T07:56:36Z

Quick update of the end of February before moving on:

Lotsa photoshoots, Thursday night I saw Mr G perform with Spiders and Snakes (FUCKING hot), grand Mardi Gras celebration at Miss Kitty's Friday night, paid modeling gig (this past Saturday--total GWC--Guy With Camera-- but who the hell cares?), fun at Bar Sin with beautiful Belle, and a LONG ASS DAY of filming on Sunday (no sleep--day began at 6 am and didn't end until 9:30 pm!), and last night burlesque at Three of Clubs (a total horrible hole in the wall but I got to hang out with Belle, Jason, and Aelon along with Mr G and Jennifer.

March should seemingly be a banner month for me. A lot more shoots lined up, a few more photographers who are interested in working with me, and finally almost completely updated makeup and modeling portfolios--QUITE fabulous. I'm not even remotely caught up financially yet but I have made a couple of big payments on some things so by the end of March I should at least be somewhere respectable.

What a bazarre friggin' industry!

2006-02-07T02:09:25Z

In the past several days, here is what I've booked:

1) Key makeup for TWO short films

2) A music video (assisted this past Saturday)

3) A paid modeling gig

4) Doing makeup for one headshot session

AND I'm back to work for Tommy Bahama PLUS Sephora finally fucking called me for a group interview which actually I can't even make because I'll be filming all day that day. I'm meeting with the director of one of the short films tonight and I have a meeting with a photographer tomorrow who I might be able to con into giving me some paid work. So I went from having less than no work to being up to my ears in it! This business sure as hell takes some getting used to!

Addendum: Mr G came over and the two of us went for a walk last night where he was able to vent to me about some pretty bad troubles at home. He is really going through a lot and I truly want to be there for him in whatever capacity I can be. He's told me in the past that he hates "bringing me down" (which is not how I feel at all) but I've told him time and time again that we can't have a real relationship if he can't share things with me both good and bad. I think he's finally gotten comfortable with this notion so that's definitely a step in the right direction. Tonight he's coming over again for quite a bit longer and actually Wil, him and me are going to the Derby for burlesque. Wil has never been and I think its about bloody time he sees what the two of us have been raving about. Plus, it will be something fun that he and I can do socially as friends rather than just dealing with roommate stuff which, as he has very astutely pointed out, is just not the same as having fun as friends like we used to all the time. I'm very much looking forward to it.

The "L" Word (whew!)

2006-02-01T00:46:56Z

So the words "I love you" finally were emoted from my lips last night to Mr G. He had said it first--we finally had a chance to have a really in depth talk about a LOT of very important things: Carla's miscarriage, Mishi's secretly planned pregnancy and miscarriage, Mishi's death and her recent birthday, his worries about our relationship, MY worries about our relationship, and finally he said it.

Mr G.: (looking down) You know by now I don't just like you, you know I love you.
Me: (looking at him squarely in the eye) I love you too.
Mr G.: (looks at me and smiles thoughtfully, shyly) Well, I do love you.

I wish I could remember or properly articulate all of what was said, but one thing I remember quite well is that we both admitted to each other that we had told so many of our friends how we felt about each other that we figured it was about time that we were able to tell each other. I had told him how incredibly nervous I was about saying it for my own various reasons, and of course he was very trepedacious about saying it to me because the love of his life that he had known since he was 12 had only died two weeks before we met which of course was so emotionally draining for him and affected him so deeply. The fact that he has been able to open up like this is truly indicative that there is so much more to us than JUST a friendship, or JUST a sexual attraction. A funny thing that was brought up was the fact that I actually had said it before or rather SCREAMED it three times (!) during sex a few weeks ago.

Mr G.: So after you said it, were you worried that I was going to run away?
Me: No. I knew that you were sophisticated enough and you also knew me well enough to realise that I probably hadn't said that out loud on purpose and that I didn't need to be confronted about it right away.

I feel a certain peace now but also a great sense of emotional responsibility. He brought up all these reasons why I could and probably will get hurt, how I'm not always going to be top priority, how realistically it would be years before I would get introduced to his mom or some of his friends he's had for so many years. Then he brought up how we'd have to have Valentine's day a day late or a day early and how when he goes on vacation with his kids that I won't be able to get ahold of him. Even though this was not particularly eloquent of me, all I could say was,"Yeah, that sucks. So I'm just going to ignore everything else that we have that is so good, all this emotional understanding, everything, and dump you." It may seem to defy understanding to some, but most people who know me and know him understand that our quest for compatible mates in our lives has proved excedingly difficult and finding each other has been such a blessing that it more than outweighs the trials thus far and will continue to.

THE FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF DRUNK

2006-01-27T02:27:42Z

Actually this was inspired by The Black Ball that I attended at Miss Kitty's way back on January 13th for my birthday and well, the multiple other times I have been drunk or been around drunk people. Here goes:

1) The Philosophical Drunk:
We don't like to admit it, but we've all been this one. Probably one of the more embarrassing titles, The Philosophical Drunks tend to run off on tangents about life and love and how they feel at this point in their lives and what speaks to their souls and how passionate they are about blah, blah, blah, blah!!! I know when I get like this almost NOTHING will get me to shut up other than perhaps being forcibly pulled onto a loud dance floor or when someone offers me a sip of a fifth Mai tie for the evening.

2) The Oscar Wild-ian Drunk:
Myself and my boyfriend to a tee. Worse when we get together. Basically we are all pithy quotes and one-liners and charmed compliments and OH it never ends! Definitely not the worse type of drunk to be, this will sure win you a lot of points, particularly if you are more on the complimentary side. Use of words like: "dubious", "saucy", "tosh", "tart", "rake", and "delicious" are highly common additions to one's lexicon in this instance.

3) The Kissy-Touchy-FeelMe-FuckMe Drunk:
Nonspecifically affectionate to anyone and anything. VERY easy to identify particularly if surrounded by friends and/or potential lovers. Tendency to temporarily blur one's normal sexual boundaries are quite common--usually "try"-sexual after a point. The sexual id has fully run amock and it is usually a bit on the terrifying side.

4) Solid Gold Dancer Drunk:
You are not just dancing at the party--you INVENTED dance! ALL will BOW at the sight of your powerfully limber arms and legs, your gyrating buttocks, your high stepping feet. Or so you think. OR maybe the other party goers are "bowing" before you because they don't want you seeing them laughing their asses off otherwise you might stop.

5) The "I'm Out of My Fucking Mind, I Think I'm Just Going to Walk Five Miles In the Other Direction and Go Sit On the Grass Outside of Del Taco and Smoke This Cigarette I Found Even Though I Don't Smoke So Fuck All of You and NO I Don't Remember Where I Parked My Car But Maybe That Homeless Man Knows" Drunk
We all know this type of drunk and fortunately, God-willing, none of us are or will ever be this type of drunk. Some people, for whatever reason, completely lose all sense of responsibility when they imbibe a certain amount of alcohol--vaguely amusing, but mostly frightening, this is when it's ideal to have friends around to keep an eye on this beast who will undoubtedly be a trifle more demure in behavior the morning after and hopefully apologetic.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OWN FINE SELF!

2006-01-12T20:04:33Z

SO yesterday was my 25th birthday. Despite three PAYING gigs being cancelled this week and despite the fact that I actually have NEGATIVE $83.00 in my bank account, AND that I spent most of the day at fucking AppleOne applying for shit temp work I STILL had a marvelous bithday. Mr G, Wil, Jennifer, Kris, Ethan, Mon'Quez, Myeesha, Cleo, and Gogo all came out and it was truly fabulous. I felt very loved and appreciated and quite fortunate to have so many fabulous friends.

Happy New Year!!!

2006-01-01T21:49:10Z

Dec 29th REVISED

Actually, plans changed a bit--Auntie Carol was sick and Grandma and Grandpa thought maybe the visit should hold off BUT I did get to see my adorable cousins when they visited my place. Renee has been through so much and she has really become a wonderful, beautiful mother and Sarah is such a good aunt. Her children Alexa and Tristan are so sweet and affectionate and I can tell that Alexa is VERY smart. I really wish the very best for them.

Went out later that night to JW's. RIDICULOUSLY FUN! Dale, Brett, Brett's Mom, Mon'Quez, Ethan, Erin, Ron Bailey, and assorted other friends came out as well and we had a BLAST! Very much like old times again although now we really don't take anything for granted. Classic Flint night--we even went out to Tom Z's afterwords--how perfect is that? Then I got a call from Mr G who told me he had left a message earlier and to be sure to listen to it while I was alone because I would get emotional. He was so right. He had played for me the first two verses of the song he had written about me and again I couldn't help but cry. Absolutely the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me...

Dec 30th

Hung out with Brad today--marvelous! Genesee Valley, Borders (ahhh...memories), Target, Salvation Army...another great, classic day in Flint. He is really SO good to me. I am very lucky to have him as a friend. THEN we went to the Necto in Ann Arbor! FABULOUS. Visited Nathan and Sarah for a bit and when I told them I was putting makeup on Brad, Nathan suggested I do it at his place. Hmmmm...all right I guess. WELL, Brad came over, I did his makeup and SURE ENOUGH when he got up, Nathan sat down where he was at and said "Now do me!" !!!! Obviously it was a clever ploy to get me to do makeup on him again which he obviously missed but I thought it was kind of sweet if a bit strange so I happily obliged. Brad and I then had a totally incredible time at the Necto and danced our asses off and a little chick from Germany came up to us and told us we were the hottest couple there in her sexy German accent. SO funny! Crashed at his place afterwords.

Dec 31st

Woke up at the crack of 11 (!) and went to breakfast at Steady Eddie's in the Farmer's Market with his adorable boyfriend. VERY yummy. Then we just kind of lounged around his house for awhile. Then I went home and got ready for Jenny's New Year's Eve party. Very fun but considerably mellow which was actually ok--felt a bit more grown up, which honestly, I like. I think I also made a new friend too. Jenny's roommate Michelle is really wonderful and we have A LOT in common. It's always such a rareity to meet a WOMAN I connect with--anyway, I'm sure the two of us will stay in touch.

Jan 1st (TODAY)

Church was lovely this morning--I had really missed everyone! Went out to lunch with Mom, I cut her hair (pain in the ass, but it looks A LOT beter now), and then I'm having friends over for dinner, then I'm going to a Girls Will Be Girls/makeup party--PLEASURE OVERLOAD!
Again, it's so good to be home.

Homecoming.......

2005-12-29T20:24:16Z

Here is a rundown of the events of the last few days thus far:

DECEMBER 27th

Missed my first flight AND my second layover flight but magically arrived in Michigan only about an hour and a half after I was supposed to. Luckily even when bad luck befalls me I STILL manage to have good luck...My "little" brother came to the airport baggage claim to meet me and I didn't recognise him at first NOR him me. SO funny! WONDERFUL to see Mom again. The place is beautiful where they are staying too. Later that night I hung out with Brad, his boyfriend Steven, and Dale and it was SO GREAT to see them all too. We drank a bit of wine at Brad's house then went over to Dale's for even MORE wine and just enjoyed each other's company. I crashed there.

DECEMBER 28th

Dale took me back to my place where I freshened up and then the two of us met up with Brad, Debbie, Byron, and Alex for sushi. Let me just say two words: "FLINT ROLL." Seriously, we all had a fantastic time while I regaled them with stories of fetish bars, West Hollywood and the Sunset strip. Went back to my place and hung out with Mikey, then the two of us went to dinner with dear old Dad at Applebees and then I came back and a BUNCH of friends convened for the Torch and then the Loft and then back to the Torch again. Christina, Amber, Dawn (Byron's girlfriend--got to meet "The Dawn" finally--quiet girl and very insecure--now wonder there are jealousy issues), Sang (Dale's boyfriend: ADORABLE!), sweet Jenny Wagner and more assorted characters including Mon'Quez who joined us later all had fun drinking, gossiping, telling stories, and dancing like sexed up ghetto bitches (oh wait, that was mostly me) and we had a grand old time.

DECEMBER 29th (Today)

Quieter day. At home now, going through some of my old things and am planning on going to see Grandma and Grandpa as well as Aunt Carol, Renee and Sarah in a few hours. I'll probably be going out tonight with Dale and Co. to Menjo's where I haven't been in FOREVER so it should be really fun. Hmmmm....what to wear that will make me look cute and yet NOT make me FREEZE my ass off???? Hmmmm........This may be a riddle with no answer.

An Ironic Christmas

2005-12-25T05:11:15Z

So this is a little strange....

I'm home by myself on Christmas Eve. I know full well that I will not get to unwrap any presents tomorrow morning nor will I see any of my family nor my dearheart.

So why am I so happy and feeling so very loved?

Well, to clarify, here are a few key points:

1) I actually celebrated my Christmas Eve with my dearheart early. Last night, we did "Phase Two" of our gift exchange (so far he's gotten me two gorgeous shirts, antique yet miraculously unused cigarette holders, a wonderful set of mix CDs, a lovely Christmas dinner at Canters in Hollywood, ornaments for my tree, and I have lingerie plus a silver sequined go go dress and yeah, again, A SONG HE'S WRITING ABOUT ME on it's way.) I don't deserve him. That's just all there is to it.

2) I will be driving to Wil's uncles to spend Christmas with him--ahh, my best friend since we were both seventeen. So he IS family and very close family at that.

3) On the 27th I am flying back to Michigan for the first time in TWO YEARS. WOW. I can't wait to see all of my gorgeous, amazing, generous, hilarious, fabulous, hard-partying, sensitive, intelligent friends. It will also be quite wonderful seeing my family again. I have REALLY missed them so much.

So, a very good, albeit nontraditional Christmas. I also finally paid my car registration too PLUS I gave myself the Christmas present of new contact lenses which I got for a real steal online. Other nice little bonuses as well that make a difference. Truly, I really can't stop smiling and I truly feel a sense of joy and peace in my heart.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!

2005-12-21T02:48:13Z

ANNOYED out of my skull today but things are about to look up in a bit. Here's the day's run down of events:

1) Wake up at 7 am to take Q to the airport. I absolutely adore him and it gave us a nice chance to talk but traffic was pretty friggin' obnoxious...

2) Worked at The Body Shop today with this absolute CUNT manager who couldn't have been more rude or condescending to me...

3) Almost backed into a fucking car on the way out of the mall...

4) The ol' cell phone bill hadn't been paid and it got turned off and I had to do a check by phone but only when I got home because I didn't have my check book on me...

5) Hot ass booty call with Mr G has been delayed due to the fact that he too had an absolutely ridiculously stressful day as well...BUT he is on his way over--it's getting late but I know he'll be here...;)Now I'm just chilling in my silky bathrobe, watching The 40 Year Old Virgin for the 9th time in three days, and drinking a glass of wine AND Smirnoff Ice...starting to feel a little better already...

You would not BELIEVE the night I had....

2005-12-17T19:13:44Z

An evening at Kitty's with Mr G...here are some highlights:

1) Mr G described my fracturing his forearm to I think literally everyone he met and of course sometimes we had to act it out (natch)

2) Our old friends Daniel and Victoria bought us drinks and told us we were getting sex toys for Christmas. (also natch)

3) Some Euro-trash guy started hitting on me ("you're glasses are so cute, what a beautiful name",...) and then asked me "So how big is your boyfriend?" Not missing a beat, I stretched out both my hands the length of his dick and said "He is HUGE, like this!" to which Euro-guy, flustered, replied "oh I don't mean that" and I said "well, either way you'll have to excuse me-I'm meeting him on the dance floor." NICE!

4) Yet another complimentary Swedish massage from my new best friend at the massage table. I don't ask why she keeps doing it, but I'm going with it for now...

5) We both made out with his adorable, pint size friend Heathyr which was quite fun and interesting. She is VERY attracted to both of us, so maybe it wasn't entirely fair but still I think she enjoyed it.

6) Here's the best part. Mr G had gotten pretty drunk, courtesy of so many of his friends buying him drinks, plus the fact that he was at a Christmas party earlier, so he gave me the keys to his beat up Mustang and I nervously drove back. He told me it was the first time in his entire life anyone had driven him in his own car and I believe him. All is well, we're just a few minutes away from my house when a fucking cop pulls up behind us. OH SHIT. I had drunk a little bit too and I was nervous as fuck. Luckily I had my license and he had registration and insurance for his car but I couldn't have looked more suspicious wearing fetish wear, a black wig and ANTLERS. Perfect. This would of course be the time to get pulled over. Luckily we played it very cool and he let us go.

7) Had some very rough, carnal sex--luckily I didn't break his other arm!

SHIT bitch!

2005-12-14T19:45:53Z

Well, just got off the phone with my darling Mr G and apparently it really happened just like he said it would: I broke him. No, literally, as in I physically gave him a hairline fracture on his right arm. That's right. While he was on top off me about a week ago, I actually was pounding on his arms SO hard that I damaged his arm and after a visit to a friend of his who is a hospice nurse he now has to wear an ace bandage wrapped tightly around it. So to date: two perfect thumb shaped bruises on either side of his arms, scratch marks, a slap in the face, and now this: a fucking hairline fracture. When he called me and said," You're going to be very proud of yourself and maybe a little embarrassed..." I knew right what it was because he had told me his arm had been bothering him all week and he even suspected that was what it was. He asked me if I had heard him complain at any time but I still feel bad. What the hell is wrong with me? We are truly going to be the death of each other...but what a way to go! I'm seeing him tonight. He's taking me shopping at The Hollywood Outlet for some sexy outfits and we're probably going to go home and cuddle and watch another movie--I HAVE to rent "The 40 Year Old Virgin"--Mr G hasn't seen it and he HAS to immediately! And of course, I have to somehow think of a way to make it up to him WITHOUT damaging my poor sweet boy any further. Again, WHAT is wrong with me?

Trying to remember our first kiss....

2005-12-14T05:19:15Z

This particular night Mr G came over and we had absolutely every intent of going to The Derby to see a show but as we gazed into each other's eyes as we sat across from one another at Taco Bell (! All dressed up, no less, me in a vintage-y frock and fishnets with my hair in curls and he in a black dress shirt and gorgeous slacks), we realized that we would have a much better time just curled up together quietly watching a movie, talking, and snuggling. We also realized that neither one of us could remember our first kiss. We knew what night it happened, that night I met him for Blue Moon at Bar Sinister but we didn't remember the exact moment. It seemed like the date flowed so naturally from us just chatting as friends over a couple of drinks to us making out like teenagers at a house party on the couch upstairs to me sort of kind of seeing his penis for the first time. Again, to us and ONLY to us this all seemed quite NATURAL. It must have been some kind of strange, mystical sexual magic plus the fact that we both were quickly discovering how much we liked one another as people but all the same, we realize how odd it would seem to an outsider's perspective.

So we left our "dinery of choice", and headed over to Blockbuster, rented "The Man Who Knew Too Little" and actually had a very sweet, relatively normal evening of just hanging out and actually really cuddling. Of course the evening didn't end with us cuddling (WINK;), but it was definitely a diversion from the norm, which for us is going out on the town and causing all hell to break loose. Either way, with Mr G, I know I'm going to have an amazing time whatever we're doing...

Day in downtown

2005-12-11T05:46:19Z

Had a charming day out with the "girls" (i.e. Jennifer and MR G!!!) Seriously, Mr G is so great to shop with because he knows so much about fashion and designer names. He had told me before that he loves to shop--he certainly wasn't kidding! And he has such fabulous taste. I LOVE that about him. I'm really wondering what he got me for Christmas. We're going lingerie shopping soon because he wanted to be with me to pick it out. HOT!

Got back and had a very intensely erotic and intimate experience and he said some very beautiful poignant things to me including this and I'm paraphrasing--I wish I could remember EXACTLY how he said it but here is is more or less: "You are so many things: part seductress, part mother, part vixen, part sweet, innocent angel, a little bit of a late bloomer, a little bit of a wallflower, part timeless woman..." I have to say that I love seeing his reactions to my modeling photos. He just goes completely crazy over them and says the most sweet, complimentary, gorgeous things I have ever heard in my life. We were looking at my 1920s themed photo session tonight and I just loved seeing the looks on his face, the way he breathes heavy and sighs and wraps his arms around me and purrs in my ear,"oh sweetie." He's so amazing, I can't stand it!

I'm having a quiet night in tonight and am trying to be productive. Working on my Christmas list, doing some e-mailing, and resting for my rather long work day tomorrow...Mr G and I had quite the night last night. I woke up at 5:30 this morning, having not remembered falling asleep, but remembering my fuck session quite well (actually only our first drunken one) wearing my mini skirt, thigh high fishnets, and boots--THAT'S IT. WOW. My body DEFINITELY needs a rest after that.

The Christmas Miracle

2005-12-09T07:29:23Z

So how is THIS for a great Christmas Story?

Yesterday, I am at the mall in Sherman Oaks applying for some part time seasonal work and I get a phone call while I'm waiting in line at Subway in the food court and I see that it's my mom calling. Oh, ok.

Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Eva!"
Me: "Uh, what?"
Mom: "Your trip is cancelled!"
Me: "Um, WHAT?"

My mom went on to explain that she never saw the appropriate space for filling in MY name on the ordering form for the plane ticket and the airline company was not letting her change it over to my name, leaving her with a $254.00 credit for herself that she had no intention of using and me without a ticket back to Michigan, which I had been looking forward to for months as I had not been home in about two years. I had felt like someone had walked up to me and slapped me in the face. I got out of line, went to sit down at a table, and as the tears had just begun to well up, I stopped myself from crying and after I got off the phone, quickly began filling out my job applications. I said to myself that crying here was not appropriate and that I had far too much to do and if I got emotional, it would only make things worse. So I finished the applications, made my way through the mall looking like some kind of wounded zombie, forced myself to smile when turning each one in and made my way out toward the exit, trying very hard to now look too much at the many Christmas decorations and beautiful lights for fear that I would get emotional again. And yet, as I walked through the mall I couldn't help but notice all the people shopping carrying bags and bags of gifts, wearing Prada heels, with $75.00 haircuts, I began to have all of these really dark feelings of resentment and jealousy. For a moment, all I could think was that here I am, working hard, trying desperately to make ends meet, and the one thing I was really looking forward to, that had been so difficult to obtain up to this point, was now not going to happen, and here these people were carrying handbags and wearing watches that cost three times as much as my measly plane ticket to Michigan. So I changed the CD in my car from "Aretha Franklin's Greatest Hits" to "Never Mind the Bullocks, Here's the Sex Pistols", and gloomily drove home where I was greeted by Wil. I told him what had happened, which he also agreed was the most horrible, unfortunate piece of news he had heard of anyone having at Christmas time, and gave me a big hug, made some helpful suggestions for other ways I might be able to make my trip, and told me not to give up hope. Jennifer also expressed her deepest sympathy for the situation and also told me to not give up.

Honestly, I had given up hope, and shortly after went on MySpace and posted a very sad sounding bulletin explaining the situation so everyone could read it and know what was going on. Mr G came over later and was very sweet, and of course did manage to make me temporarily forget how sad I was, but when I woke up this morning my first thought was "Wow. I'm not going back home for Christmas. Sucks." I got on with my day though, had a couple of really good job interviews, worked at Macy's for a couple of hours, got some El Pollo Loco, and came home where I was greeted by an exceptionally cheery Wil and Jennifer. Jennifer gave me the $50.00 for her dividend of the rent early which was great, and Wil told me he was giving me my Christmas gift early saying "Now don't get too excited, it's not much." I thought regardless of what it was, that it was very thoughtful of him to do that when he knew how blue I was feeling. The outside of the card read "To the Christmas Whore". Naturally, I had to laugh. The inside read, "To the Christmas whore with the heart of gold, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hope this brightens your Christmas! Love all your friends Byron, Brad, Wil, Jen, Dale, Christina and others." By the time I had gotten to the bottom of the card and had read the multiple names, I knew something was up. I opened the small folded piece of paper that was on the inside of the card and low and behold it read "United Airlines E-Ticket Receipt: Los Angeles, CA LAX Tuesday Dec 27 to Detroit, MI Friday Jan 6." Wow. I couldn't believe it. All at once I was began to cry and laugh and scream at the same time. I was so overwhelmed with emotions--love, joy, surprise, happiness, and I realized how foolish I had been to envy anyone else, even for a minute. Wil told me I had the best reaction ever, and I'm not surprised. I had never felt happier. I hugged and thanked Wil and Jen, tried to pull myself together a little, and got online to make a new MySpace bulletin, and to give Brad and Byron a call to thank them. Wil told me about how he had cleverly orchestrated the whole thing, and I have to say how blown away I am by him and the other amazing friends I have. Regardless of what I am doing in my life, how much money I have in my bank account, what kind of car I'm driving, I will always feel so very rich.

Why am I so lucky?

2005-12-04T10:10:10Z

Let's see....

Here is one way to look at my life at the present:

1) I'm struggling.
2) I'm perpetually broke.
3) I can't afford new contact lenses.
4) I'm always struggling with my weight.
5) I never seem to get enough done in my day.
6) I can never seem to reciprocate enough toward people that give me so much.
7) I drive a 95 Honda Civic with 200,000 miles on it and my registration is STILL not paid yet.
8) Essentially my entire family and some of my dearest friends in the entire world are 3,000 miles away.
9) I bust my ass to get paying makeup/modeling gigs and I don't always have enough and they never pay me what I'm worth.

Here is how I actually see my life and this is why I always seem to keep going with a smile on my face and a spring in my step:

1) I've made a lot of progress in my makeup career and have progressed VERY quickly in my modeling career to the point where I can demand only paid gigs. I was completely unknown as a model only 3 months ago and begging for photographers to work with me. Now I am getting offers.
2) I've been able to survive, more or less completely on my own, having only lived away from my parents for two years
3) Glasses make me look smart(er) and my boyfriend thinks they're hot;)
4) I went from weighing 185 lbs at 5'2" to 145 lbs at 5'5", gaining twenty back, only to lose 25 more, which leaves me at a voluptuous 140 lbs at 5'5" and because it doesn't come easy, I have to live a healthy lifestyle which is better than someone who is naturally thin and constantly indulges in unhealthy food and inactivity.
5) Not to brag, but I still get a hell of a lot more accomplished than a lot of folks I know!
6) I still stay close with my family and friends back in Michigan and in some ways we have grown closer, nor do I take anything they do for me for granted. I also have made some truly amazing new friends out here.
7) I have come to expect that with this type of work, when it rains, it pours, there are some droughts, true, but that is the nature of this business, and work well done perpetuates more work to follow whether it's next week or next month it will happen. Plus, it's pretty friggin' cool to be a makeup artist and model!
8) I have found someone so very special and dear to me, who embraces every part of who I am and what I do, and always makes me feel like the most beautiful, intelligent, special, sensual woman in the world. You can't really beat that.

THEORY...

2005-11-30T18:31:08Z

This is something I have been meaning to write in the past few weeks after I came to some conclusions about myself and how my past relationships have gone and where my new one is heading. I have also thought about my friends who have also had troubled relationships and how some of those friends have become deeply involved with people who may seem very wrong for them, but who seem to fulfill or complete them in some way that they are not able to let go of their relationship with them. So I have come to a conclusion which I have postulated into a theory that I like to call:

THE THEORY OF LOVE AND COMPATIBILITY AMONG EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE

The world is made up of people, all unique of course, but they all tend to fall into one of two categories. A great many people are average--average intelligence, average desires, average needs. These are not bad people, but there is nothing especially unusual or subversive about them. They are relatively compatible with a great many other average people. While there is turmoil in varying degrees, many are able to eventually wind up with someone who, at least at the time, is a practical choice for themselves. Their mates have very similar wants and needs and they are therefor compatible and able to achieve relative happiness. Even if the relationship does not wind up working out, moving on is not an impossibility as again, they have a great many more choices of who else they might be compatible with.

The second category of people are the extraordinary people. How is one extraordinary? There are many different ways: high levels of intelligence, strange phobias, talents, unusual sexual desires, subversive social behavior, etc. These people, for whatever their own specific reasons, have probably always felt different, and to varying degrees, shunned, and therefor more than anything seek understanding from others like them. The problem lies in the fact that there are not as many extraordinary people and there are so many different facets of behavior. It takes these people a great deal of searching to find someone compatible with them, and usually there will be a great deal of turmoil within their relationships as they realize the other person is not right for them for reasons A through Z. So when they do at last find someone compatible with them, with similarly extraordinary intelligence, desires, and needs, they will do whatever it takes to hang on those mates and keep them in their lives, regardless of outside influences, such as social mores, societal laws, etc. This is why when you read in the history books about famous scholars, artists, diplomats, etc you will notice how so many of them have had such volatile personal lives, or went to extraordinary lengths to be with who they considered to be their only compatible mates. Many of these people have had many divorces, long term illicit affairs, and some even were jailed or killed because of who they chose to love, some even killed for love themselves. Still, regardless the outcome and the many variables along the way, the underlying need for all of them remained: love and acceptance from someone else who was similarly extraordinary. However, there are a few lucky ones who are able to find this great love and hold onto it with few diversions. Yet, it is likely they had quite a tulmultuous journey along the way, so they cherish their loves greatly as well.

Awwwww sleepy time.............

2005-11-30T07:10:53Z

First day off in a week--slept like I hadn't slept in years last night and pretty much spent the whole day recuperating. Probably helped that Mr G had rogered the hell out of me the night before ;). Something involving a pastry last night as well--yummy...........needless to say we weren't able to make it through all of "Bridget Jones' Diary". Also had dinner with John tonight--a bit surreal. He's still very nice but he definitely has some issues and I am so glad I realized when I did how wrong our relationship was. I do hope he finds happiness with someone...damn, I am still so TIRED! But I'll go to bed early tonight and get some stuff accomplished tomorrow.

One Helluva Week

2005-11-28T07:33:40Z

Tuesday: My one day off. Got a few errands done and did some stuff on the computer.

Wednesday: Photoshoot with Sunny Leone and John Kopaloff which again proved my theory that all successful photographers are typically skinflint bastards. This guy makes an ABSURD amount of money doing celebrity candids, online business, magazine photoshoots, press events and he had the balls to give me a hard time about paying me a measely $100 for a full day's worth of work. What a dick. However, he did like working with me and he told me he would definitely call me again. Oh yes, the rate is going up.

Thursday: Thanksgiving. SO good to spend it with Wil. I love him.

Friday: Literally one of the weirdest days of my life. The events were as follows:

a) got a speeding ticket on my way to Pomona. Perfect.
b) spilled my coffee on myself. Nice!
c) did headshot makeup for a bratty 15 year old who was on his cell phone the entire time. I EARNED my $125.00 that day. By the way--double plus bonus: he had OCD and was not particularly into the concept of chillin' in a cat vomit covered apartment so that definitely intensified his shitty behavior.
d) finally got home and got ready for Miss Kitty's which began the far more festive part of my day. The attendees of the "White Trash Ball" were going to get an eyeful when I, Mr G, and Jen were going to strut in. Plus, I did hilarious fake tattoos on them and myself. My favorite was one of the ones I did on Mr G which was a Woody Woodpecker saying "Don't Tread On Me." SO funny!
e) got pretty fucking blitzed at Miss Kitty's. I hadn't done that in awhile and I was a bit of a jackass so I remembered why I don't really do that anymore
f) had a VERY VERY VERY strange experience later that night after Miss Kitty's that defnitely proved to be the wrong choice but in an odd way solidified my relationship with Mr G even more.

Saturday: Modeling gig today (PAID!!!!) Weird being shot by 2-3 photographers at once--felt a bit whorish almost. It was really quite exhausting but definitely very cool. Had a gorgeous evening with Mr G--Thai food and my first vaginal orgasm--WOW. I don't think it can get too much better than that.

Sunday (today): Worked all day for Tommy Bahama--SUCKED! So fucking tired at this point--really feeling the need for a break from it....

RECAP

2005-11-22T03:42:13Z

Friday:

Met Professor Wendy this morning and did her makeup for her shoot. She really is just as gorgeous and brilliant as Wil said she would be. She was very easy to talk to and wonderfully open about her sexuality too. I've now made it my quest to find her a good man who is not a complete fuckwit for her because it sounds like that is all she has dated up til now.

Went out to Miss Kitty's with darling Kris and lovely Mr G. I had yet again an OBSCENE amount of fun in my Bollywood get up complete with Bindi pattern on my face and Indian jewelry. It was nice treating Kris too--he has always done that for me when he's had the money and it was nice to reciprocate. I also ran into Joseph finally and I made a point of letting him know that I was with Mr G exclusively. On that topic, the three of us at one point were in my car driving Mr G to his car and he handed me a condom and told me to keep it safe but he said "Now you can't take it with you into after hours." I looked back at him and said, "(Mr G) who the fuck else am I gonna fuck?" sounding at that moment very much like Monique or Ms Laura (ah, the ladies of The Queens of Comedy have taught me well.) He blushed and shut the hell up after that.

Saturday:

Bar Sinister with Mr G. Also quite fun. We saw more lovely people that we know from Miss Kitty's and I met a couple of other friends of his who were very sweet that he couldn't wait to introduce me to. We danced a lot too--he is quite a wonderful dancer although he would never admit it and we always have a great time on the dance floor wherever we're at. I got another great compliment from him too that I'll never forget. He told me that I was a MILF without really being a MILF. Obviously I don't have kids, but he told me that there was this sensual motherly quality about me that was so hot. (What is wrong with this guy? Has he taken "Being Wonderful" lessons or something?) THEN we went back to my apartment and WOW. WOWIE WOW WOW. It had been a week. Nuff said.

Sunday:

Evening in. By this point I was totally friggin exhausted and just wanted to mellow out after I got home from work.

Monday:

Today started off a bit poorly as I woke up for my gig in Santa Monica at SIX MINUTES before I was suppose to be there. TWO HOURS later I arrived and couldn't have been more mortified. I told Chuck the photographer (who was RIDICULOUSLY nice and understanding) that he didn't need to pay me the kit fee. I really hope I didn't completely fuck up his day but he even said he would have me back so I guess I couldn't have fucked up too much. The trip back home luckily was A LOT easier and I set up lunch with Mr G who was mortified that he himself had gotten up late and hadn't had time to put on anything nice. I told him I didn't care and I just wanted to see him. It was actually very difficult because we had to be very discreet and apparently he was getting VERY turned on by what I was wearing. He was a pretty good boy all the way up until we got to my car and told me that he could "fuck me blind right now." WOW.

Tonight I'm going out with "the girls" i.e. Kris and Q and a hot boy that Kris met at Ms Kitty's to WEHO. Should be festive as always. MAYBE Mr G will join us after he stops by the Derby. (I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE)